I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
false alarm. still invincible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
