I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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