Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
