Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
