I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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