I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
