2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
