Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
