Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
