Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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