i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
