I just saw a hot homeless man
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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