Quick, to the slutcave!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
