Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
