she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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