you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
