i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
