You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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