I cockslap morals
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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