FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
