if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
