If i come over, it means nothing
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
