I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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