please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
