Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
