she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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