I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
