He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
