She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
