Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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