if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
