my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
