Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
