seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
