and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't deserve a penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
