My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
