Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
