Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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