best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
