I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
