Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
