how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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