We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
