I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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