Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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