she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
