He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My vagina just clenched in fear
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