We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
