Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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