And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
